Disillusion

I feel so disillusioned. I did a favor for someone in my family whom I love dearly. I don't want to go into many details, but I thought that this person and I had come to agreement. I could have sworn that I was told I would be reimbursed for my expenses and given a little bit of pocket change on the side for my trouble. Normally something like this would be no biggie, but for me it was quite an ordeal. I had to ask my mom to watch Bean, I had to bring Bun along (which was not fun for him at all) and I had to move at a moment's notice. This favor took more than half a day to complete. When my "thank-you check" arrived in the mail from this family member, it was considerably less than the number I believed to have been stated to me. In fact, it barely even covered my expenses.

When I asked about it, I was told there was a misunderstanding and this was the only amount we had ever agreed upon. The number I had in my head was just wrong, and that's that.

Please know, I love this person and I would have done the favor for nothing. But feeling like I have been tricked has me pissed and confused.... and I cannot blame it on anything but miscommunication. Because I refuse to believe it was something other than that.

BlogTour: The 24-Hour Pharmacist

This is my sort of book: The 24-Hour Pharmacist by Suzy Cohen, R.Ph. Even on the cover it states "No Doctor Required!" and "Natural Secrets". Perfect for me, because I dread going to the doctor and lately I have been on an all-natural kick. When I think something might be wrong with me, I browse the internet first and search for natural remedies second. So a book like this on my shelf is truly a boon. Simply stated, The 24-Hour Pharmacist addresses the most common concerns for your health and offers solutions that can be found over the counter (or sometimes even in your own cupboard).

For starters, the book opens with an chapter on Overcoming Fatigue -- of special interest to me as of late. I have had people suggest numerous times that I should get my thyroid checked. I have not done it because I do not want to go to the doctor. Cohen tells of a way to check for yourself to see if your levels might be off -- and then goes on to tell you what items you can get without a prescription to help correct it.

Another very interesting chapter is the one on sexual health. In it, Cohen tells about an all-natural "Viagra" type of product that you can easily buy online. How many people wouldn't want to know how to get their hands on that one?  Even better than this chapter is probably the one on weight loss. Cohen gives you the lowdown on all those diet pills I have been curious about but too practical (or too scared?) to buy. There are also some examples of safe products you can try that just might help you lose weight; and will undoubtedly leave you feeling better in the process.

Other things she addresses that will certainly be of interest to me in years to come: how to deal with hot flashes, a chapter on osteoporosis, one on heart health, and - um - Botox. Alright, I am not saying for sure that I will need that chapter on Botox some day, but you never know..... Reading it now gave me information I can use today. Did you know there are actually foods that age you?! Scandalous. But now I know what they are. There's even a very short chapter at the end on aromatherapy which includes a chart on which oils can help your specific ailment and the proper way to administer it. There is a wealth of information in this book. And her tone is so personal and conversational, you really feel like you are getting trusted advice from a good friend.

Let's be clear. Cohen is in no way advocating going it entirely alone. All throughout the book she states the circumstances wherein it really is best for you to consult your doctor. Still -- for someone like me who deems an office visit as a very last resort, this book is just what the doctor ordered. Ok, bad pun.

Soccer Mom

I have become a living stereotype. I realized it today.... A stay-at-home mom driving around town running frivolous errands in her brand new SUV; two sunshades and two Britax carseats in the back; one stroller in the trunk; sipping on a Raspberry Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks. The only thing missing was a soccer ball in back. Give me a couple of years.

What you do for one, do also for the other

When I was pregnant with Bean I got professional maternity pictures done. They were beautiful and special. Still now when I look at them I remember what it was like to be pregnant for the first time with my first child. I chose not to get maternity portraits done with Bun. Since his arrival though, I wanted to do something equally as memorable for him. So I arranged to get professional nursing photographs taken. She came yesterday to our home to do the session.

You know how it is when you are getting a portrait session done? You feel awkward and posed and at times even fake. The idea was to capture the natural beauty of nursing my baby. But at the same time, we have this woman flitting around us with a camera during our special time. So I am not sure how "natural" they are going to look. But I am really, really hoping that it is not obvious from either one of  us that we weren't alone. I was going for what it might look like if someone happened to peek in the window on us during a nursing session. I think she was on the same page as me, but of course you never know. The only way to tell is when we get the proofs back. Only then will I know if she and her camera saw what I pictured in my mind's eye.

Of course I would not want to leave out Bean. So near the end she got shots of me and my 2 boys together; as well as sibling portraits. To me, those seemed like a mini-disaster in progress. You have one very rambunctious 2-yr-old in the comfort of his own home. And another very itchy, cranky, annoyed 5-month-old who is tired of having a camera in his face for the last hour straight. But sometimes... despite utter chaos, a picture captures a single beautiful moment in time. Let's hope she was successful in that.

I'm Such A Sap

Bean has to have his stereo playing every night in order for him to go to sleep [Well, he actually wants it playing all day long but that is another story]. He's got a stereo in his room that has a 5-disc changer. The five discs are all of his favorites; including Bach, Bob the Builder Album, and The Lion King Soundtrack. I hear these songs so much that they are etched into my brain. He knows how to turn his stereo on, but more notably he knows how to turn the volume up. During the day I will admit that sometimes it annoys the heck out of me to hear "Bob the Builder" in full blast when all I want is a little peace and quiet. But at night, when I creep into his room after he is asleep to check his breathing and pull the blanket up over his shoulders...... I can always hear one of his favorite cds playing softly in the background. And it causes me to get this massive lump in my throat as I am literally flooded with endearing thoughts of my firstborn. My son and his music. It will always hold a special place in my memory banks.

Father's Day

Today's post is dedicated to three types of dads. For you, I wish a Happy Father's Day.

To the involved Dad. Yeah you know who you are. You have changed more diapers than you can count. Taken temperatures, given baths, read stories and cleaned wounds. You have gotten up in the middle of the night with your kid, cooked meals, maybe even gave him his first taste of solid food. You coach the soccer team he is on, or maybe you just toss a baseball around the backyard with him. You learned how to put on tights, tie frilly bows, and buckle those tiny buckles on patent leather shoes. You take an active part in the lives of your children because you love them and you want to be more than just a lump on the couch staring at the tv or the computer screen while your children grow up. This message is for you.

To the Dad who is the primary breadwinner. You go to work every day to provide for your family. You make sure there is food on the table, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs. You may not have witnessed your child's first word or first steps, but you made sure that you took care of all the bills so that your wife could be there for it. You may get tired or frustrated with your job, but you would not dream of quitting and putting your family in dire straits. You do what you have to do with no complaints. This message is for you.

To the Dad who is apart from your children right now. Maybe your job requires extensive travel and you are currently on the road while your kids are at home. Or perhaps you are no longer with the mother of your children and they all live in a different state. Heck, maybe they live right around the corner but your visitation is only on weekends. You love your children and want to see them grow but circumstances dictate that you can only see them now and then. This message is for you.

But most importantly, to my Sweetie who is all three of these types of dads rolled into one -- this message is for YOU. Happy Father's Day!

Losing Whole Days

I am not sure why this is happening to me, but I am losing track of the days. It seems that I cannot keep track of which day of the week we are on. I am consistently behind a day. Either that, or completely unsure altogether what day of the week it is.

How different this is from my prior existence (you know, my "before-kids persona"). Oh, I knew what day of the week it was. I lived for Fridays and usually felt a sense of dread on Sunday nights. I complained how in corporate america, every single day was like the one before it. But you better believe I still knew where in the week the calendar fell open. Calendar date, Day of the week, and perhaps most importantly - Time of day. It seemed that I was always anticipating some future event. A meeting at 2pm. Leaving early on Thursday. Vacation next month. I didn't cherish being in the moment because the moment was dull and felt pointless. I looked forward with fervor to the times that I would not have to be at work.

I choose to believe that the reason I cannot remember what day of the week it is anymore, is because I am having too much fun. No day is alike. I am seeing the world through the eyes of my little ones. For this reason, everything is brand new. The front yard is an adventure. The letters of the alphabet unlock the key to the universe. There is joy to be found in the simplest things: A song, a tickle, a look. I am so lucky because I get to live the carefree days of a toddler and the languishing days of an infant. Every day, through my children. And we do not care what day of the week it is because we have something to learn every day. And already, life is moving way too fast.

Practicing Avoidance

I hate that new show on Lifetime. It's called Army Wives. Granted, I have not watched this show.  Not once. But I hate it already, even just by looking at the constant commercials for it. I refuse to watch it, despite the fact that Lifetime is one of my favorite channels. I even hate coming across a preview for the latest episode. Why now? Does this station feel that it would be a popular thing to have a drama on television about military life? Is it because of the current war that there is suddenly an interest in army wives? I just don't understand who thought the idea for this show would be a good one. It's a scripted drama. I don't want to watch this show because I don't want to spend the entire hour pointing out all the things that are misrepresented. I am sure it will be way too many. If someone wants to do a show about army wives, why don't they make it a reality show? Now that would be good tv. This show just seems like a ploy; pulling on America's heartstrings to get ratings. Perhaps I read too much into it though. I just can't wait until the season is over so that I don't have to watch the commercials for it anymore. Heck, maybe I shouldn't take it so personally -- this show is not about me. I'm a Marine Wife. And proud.

The Sweetest Thing

Perhaps the sweetest thing I have seen in a very long time happened today. I wasn't able to hold Bun so I had him in his Exersaucer. Of course he was crying. Bean went over to him and offered him his car. Then he kissed him. And finally, he decided to push the baby around the kitchen floor in the Exersaucer. Before long they were both laughing (out loud) with each other. Bun was content to let his brother shuttle him around the center island over and over again. He looks at his big brother with so much joy and adoration. I thought it would be months before I saw them laughing and playing together with no prompting from me. My heart smiled watching them together today. Bun doesn't even laugh that much for me.

One Of Those Days

Today is just one of those days. The sort where you just wonder if you would be better off had you stayed in bed. The whole day. Picture this: A very tired looking mommy standing in the middle of Target. She has two children under the age of two. The infant is wailing and cannot be consoled. The toddler keeps alternating between standing up in the back of cart and trying to open the items that are in there with him. She has a list in her hand but is standing in the middle of the children's section hopelessly. If you could read her list you would see that there was nothing she even needed from the children's section today. Follow this mommy to her car and watch her as she drives to the post office. Wish her luck as she tries to maneuver the (now sleeping) baby, the toddler and the box she wants to ship all at once. If she stops to scream, would you wonder why?