I Didn't Wanna Do It

I was so not feeling Halloween this year. I just wanted to skip it altogether. But a combination of guilt and chastisement (from certain family members that shall remain unnamed) pushed me on. The boys and I did it all over the last few days. The pumpkin patch was first. Then the boys came home and painted their pumpkins. Next was Halloween Story Time & Trick-Or-Treating at the local library. And finally, a tour around our own neighborhood tonight. As much as I didn't feel like dressing the boys up or doing any of this other stuff, I did it anyway (particularly tonight's trick-or-treating). And it turns out the weather was nice, the neighbors were friendly, Bun sat quietly in his stroller with no complaints, and Bean had an absolute ball. Just me and my boys, doing something fun together. Creating memories. I was inclined to do nothing at all for this holiday but I changed my mind. I am now really, really glad that I did.

Seeing Stars

Sometimes at the end of the day I am so tired and achy it is ridiculous. My back, my arms, my legs. All sore. Today Bean was being really wild and energetic. In his extreme activity, he accidentally head-butted me. The impact was hard enough for me to see stars; I was rendered helpless for a full minute. My brow bone is actually bruised and is still tender where he connected. For a fleeting moment I wondered if he knocked something loose inside my head. Funny thing, Bun was in my lap and all I could think about was how thankful I was to be the victim instead of baby. That, and thank goodness Bean didn't hit my mouth. I would have most certainly lost a tooth.

I have learned a few techniques to try to save my energy. Almost everything is done in assembly-line fashion with the boys. Mealtimes, diaper changes, getting dressed, bath time, story time. Even getting in the car. It isn't always enough though. More often than not, the only thing I want to do at the end of the day is just collapse. Especially on a day like today, when I am dealing with a possible concussion.

So Short, Yet So Long

One year is a funny thing. It has the uncanny characteristic of feeling both helplessly short and tremendously long. The weather is changing now; growing cooler, dimmer. The leaves are colorful and the wind is crisp. It reminds me that nearly one year ago I moved to KY, visibly pregnant and with my toddler son in tow, to be near family while my husband deployed overseas. At that time, an entire year without our little family being intact stretched before me. I was waiting all the time. Waiting to give birth, waiting to hear from my husband, waiting for Bean to adjust to all the changes. It seemed like an eternity. I had no idea how I would survive it.

Today I look around me, and can hardly believe that the long year I felt so conflicted about is nearly up. My infant is 9 months old. He's a champion crawler, pulling up, trying to walk. My big boy is 27 months. He can carry on a conversation and demonstrates that he has an excellent memory. His personality has emerged and he makes his preferences known. Over the course of this year my boys have grown close with their Uncle Z, their Nonna, their Big Daddy, their GG, and too many other family members to name. I have had support and help. And the time has flown.

It seems like just yesterday I was suffering from the aches and pains of late-pregnancy. Worried about how my first child would take to having a tiny baby weaved into his life. Sick with thoughts of the worst possible outcomes for my husband, living his days in a war zone. Those worries have all but disappeared, replaced with a new set of concerns that will probably seem so trivial in another year's time. So short, yet so long: a year is a funny thing.

Please?

Bean has his Nonna wrapped around his tiny little pinky finger. He can get anything he wants from her! All he has to do is ask in his sugary sweet voice and she relents. Every time. He is particularly good at using his stall tactics on her when it's time for bed. "Chicka Boom Boom?" he will ask her, over and over again until she agrees. No matter that I just finished reading him a different bedtime story. Hearing this one as well means a few more minutes of being awake. He is also famous for requesting the truck or train that he hid downstairs earlier. He will pretend that he cannot go to sleep without it, so she will go all over the house looking for the coveted item. All the while he is calling for it from his crib. Until this week, he would tell her that he had to "go potty" every night right before lights out and she would get him up and take him.  Once on the potty, he would sit there and play. I would laugh. She's wise to that one now. But it's still funny to me how many requests he has for her when she tucks him in at night. He'll go down the usual list most nights: another story? a snack? potty? milk? Those are to be expected. But there are nights when his requests are more unique. For a two-year-old, some of his ideas to buy more time are pretty sophisticated.

Breastmilk and Cheerios

Bun doesn't really like to eat. All this month he has downright refused mushy baby food and cereals. He won't even try something unless he can grasp it in his pudgy little fingers and bring it to his own mouth. And even then, it's a struggle getting him to accept something new. I have tried giving him diced fruits, veggies, breads and crackers; but the only thing he eats with relish and aplomb is Cheerios. He would enjoy those little o-shaped bits every single time he sat at his highchair, if I let him. He will try new finger foods, but after only a couple of bites he is clamping his jaw and turning his head. Of course, he is still a champion nursling, so I try not to worry about it. Still.... baby cannot live on Cheerios alone!

I'm Ruining Him

Bun must be afraid of his crib. He cannot sleep in there. After only 5 or 10 minutes he wakes up crying, reaching for me to save him from floating in the middle of that huge mattress, behind bars. I used to get him back to sleep and place him back in his crib only to do it all again when he wakes up 15 minutes later. Out of desperation, I have allowed him to sleep in my bed, beside me on the couch, on my lap -- basically wherever I am at the moment. He will sleep much longer and much deeper in those circumstances. I will never understand why he sleeps so much better in the main room, on the couch, with the tv and lights on. As opposed to his crib in a nice, quiet, cool, dark bedroom. It just seems to me that every night he actually sleeps less and less time in his crib before awaking and calling for me.  At this rate he will never sleep alone, through the night, in his own bed, in his own room. I feel that this is all my fault.

Not A Happy Day

I must have been grinding my teeth last night. I woke up this morning with an ache in my molars and pain in my jaw. The beginnings of a headache like a stone pellet in the center of my forehead. I am so stressed right now. I feel like I have been making my way through life in a fog, or with cataracts on my eyes. The strain of almost everything in my life just feels huge at the moment, sitting on my shoulders and whispering curses in my ear. Poor Bun, my milk must taste like battery acid today....

Eatin' Good

I am trying to eat healthier too. I have always hated going food shopping but now the grocery store is really a nightmare. It has been mentioned more than once on this blog how I am not really a good cook, but I am learning more each day. There are so many new recipes I want to try now that I have improved my eating habits. I just can't find the stuff in my grocery store.

My last trip to the grocer was a highly frustrating experience. Who knew that ripe olives are the same thing as black olives? Just call for black olives in the recipe and make everyone's life easier. Is pimento the same thing as pimiento? If so, why have two different spellings in the first place -- because they seem to be used interchangeably everywhere I look. Why is onion powder so much more expensive than minced onion? Bottle says I can use 1/4 cup minced in place of 1 tsp powder so I will save the money thank-you-very-much. Where the hell is spinach fettuccine? Wasn't in the aisle with normal pasta. Wasn't with the refrigerated pastas either. Does reduced-fat Creamy Italian dressing not exist? Because out of the hundreds of varieties on the shelf at my local grocer, this was definitely not one of them. Why do all the chicken breasts contain rib meat? That's disgusting. Are baby peas and petite peas the same? I hope so. Why are edamame and polenta so hard to find? They are food -- right?!

I spent so much time at that store, going down every single aisle. Slowly. Trying to get my bearings and locate all the little things on my list. My cart looked different than usual. Lots of produce, colorful veggies, cans and jars, spices. Usually my cart just has a bunch of boxes. And fruit. I think that despite my frustration this is a very good thing.

BlogTour: Deceptively Delicious

Bean is 2 years old. While his palate as a "new eater" used to be daring enough to enjoy sea bass with couscous and wilted spinach, his experience as a toddler has caused him to be - shall we say - a little more close-minded. Or close-mouthed? This kid used to love broccoli (yes! I know!) and now I cannot get him to eat anything green. Unless it is lime green or atomic green or neon green. You get the idea. So when I had the opportunity to review Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld, I jumped at the chance.

The whole idea of the book is about creative and tasty ways to slip your kids veggies and fruits. Seinfeld will take something like pancakes (Bean's personal favorite) and tell you how to prepare them with sweet potatoes or beets. The kid never knows the difference! It's done using purees and every single recipe is kid-friendly. Of course, toddler staples like chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, burgers, and spaghetti with meatballs are included -- all made healthier with some sort of secret vegetable inside. It's genius. And I get a twisted satisfaction in tricking my finicky toddler.

The book itself is beautiful and there is no shortage of recipes to try. There is even a section in the front that explains nutritional guidelines for children. Not until this book was there ever a chance of Bean getting his recommended daily servings of fruits and vegetables. He just wasn't having it. Seinfeld also talks about typical serving sizes for toddlers. A helpful reminder to me, because sometimes it seems that Bean eats next to nothing before wanting to get down. Deceptively Delicious is more than just a list of recipes: it is a guide to total nutrition for your children. And who couldn't benefit from that?

By the way, Pink Pancakes are G, Double-O, D.... GOOD!

Child-Bearing Hips

It happened to me. After this second pregnancy my body has changed drastically and permanently. I used to laugh at the idea of women whose feet grow larger during pregnancy and then stay that way. I thought it was crazy a person could weigh the same after pregnancy as before, but not be able to fit into their old jeans nonetheless. Because none of that stuff happened to me after Bean was born. My shoe size never changed, and in fact I ended up wearing a smaller jean size than what I started with before the baby was even walking. Not this time.

This time, the shoes in my closet feel a little tight. I can still fit them, but a half-size additional would be lovely. I also figured out why I have been feeling so fat lately. My weight is actually not very much more than my usual "walking around weight" but even my fat jeans are snug. Which means that the number on the scale no longer means squat. I have a child-bearing body now. Wider hips, pudgy tummy. Enormous milk-filled breasts. Bigger and softer all around. It has taken me 8.5 months... but finally, I am ok with that.